I am Woman

One thing I have learned recently that will now change my life forever is that you should never build your world around one single element. Some of us grew up in an age where the home was the first priority and children were the most important aspect of that priority. To have a family is part of the American dream. To have a close family is a tribute to the American family as life does not make it easy. The fast pace and the desire to succeed seem to spread the time with family thin and for some make it impossible to instill the family values that were easily passed down only 30 years ago.

Family, the concept of the American family living, sharing, growing and aging together is fading away and being replaced with the nostalgia of competing in a world for bigger, better and more expensive things. The present concept of; if we can't have the toys that sparkle and shine then we are neglecting some important aspect of life and the opportunity for our children to succeed in their desire to achieve success by virtue of what they have, what they possess, is a burden to heavy to place on women. If you can't afford to send your children to college, you feel guilty or you feel you have failed in life's expectation's, you have failed the most important role in your life and that is being "mother". This is a very sad impression now placed upon the American family and one that should not loom so ominous over our heads.

I am woman, only I learned a little too late that what I valued most was being a mother and I built my whole world around that idea. But first let me explain that at the age of 16, I had graduated from Ella Sarka Jones School of Fine Arts and had a teaching certificate. At eighteen I was teaching small children tap, ballet, acrobatics, jazz, modern dance and tumbling. It was that teaching position that gave me a great desire to want children of my own and I had just married the love of my life. The children started arriving just two years later in our marriage and we were blessed.

My children came first before everything else in my life, before my own needs and desires. I tried to be the perfect mom and I tried to make life fun and happy with our home being the one every kid wanted to come to. I tried so hard to achieve the best environment they could grow and develop in and become strong independent adults. I was the mom who home schooled and gave them a strong foundation to build upon, they were ~ are my life.

Beginning at the age of twenty years old when I gave birth to my first child I made a vow to God to raise them according to the Word of God and each one of my six children were dedicated to the Lord in a Church before witnesses as soon as they were 6 weeks old. For the most part, I accomplished that goal and our family has been close and when one grieves, they all grieve, when one rejoices, they all rejoice. They still quarrel but it is only between a couple of them who had sibling rivalries growing up, but they get over it and no one outside the family talks about their brothers or sisters in a bad way without being told what for and set straight....

Now I am entering a new phase in life, it started about 8 years ago when the last two were in High School, but I did not totally recognize how much my life was beginning to change. I took positive steps to help me through as my middle son joined the Army and headed out the door. I began to focus my attention on my own desires, those things that I had placed on the back shelf of my mind. I went to college through an online University and acquired my degree as a Legal Secretary. I had been working throughout the children's developing years but it was in our home as a secretary and manager of our home based business. There was a time when the children were very small that I owned and operated a Nautilus gym in our town and because I was the owner, my children came with me to work. Now it was the time to seek a different role in life because I wasn't needed as much in their lives so I went for an area of law that I was familiar with and could easily attain my goal. That wasn't enough though, at the same time, I entered another college program with United Christian Ministries International online and acquired my Certificate of Ordination, yep, I became a Minister. My goal for this degree was to be able to council children and young adults, not to become a Pastor of a church.

One thing I never expected or envisioned was the possibility of my children moving away and my not being a part of their lives any longer and that is where I find myself today with two of them and their spouses and that is where I have to fight my inner grieving which actually feels like mourning and be more than "just a woman".